Planes: Fire and Rescue

For F*** Magazine

PLANES: FIRE AND RESCUE

Director : Roberts Gannaway
Cast : Dane Cook, Ed Harris, Stacy Keach, Danny Mann, Julie Bowen, Wes Studi, Dale Dye, Teri Hatcher, Hal Holbrook
Opens : 4 September 2014
Rating : G
Running time: 84 mins

 

         This year, we’ve seen the release of some highly anticipated sequels: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, X-Men: Days of Future Past, How to Train Your Dragon 2 and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, to name a few. Here’s one that’s not so highly anticipated, the follow-up to last year’s Cars spin-off Planes. Facing trouble with his gearbox, cropduster-turned-racing-champ Dusty (Cook) is forced to give up racing. Dusty decides to train to become a firefighter, stepping in for aging fire truck Mayday (Holbrook). Reporting for duty at Piston Peak National Park, he is mentored by the gruff Blade Ranger (Harris) and attracts the over-zealous affection of new colleague Lil’ Dipper (Bowen).

            Following the box-office success of Planes, originally intended as a straight-to-video release, one imagines the discussion in the Disney boardroom went something like this: “okay, so we sold lots of tickets and merchandise on that Cars with Wings movie. Let’s rush out a sequel. What can happen in this one?”

“Uh, he becomes a firefighter?”

“What has that got to do with racing?

“Uh, nothing.”

“Great! Now go make that movie.”

            Disney has long been held as a bastion of quality family entertainment, but they’re most certainly not above churning out a production line flick for the sake of making a quick buck. Planes: Fire and Rescue combines another formulaic story with juvenile humour and a few quick, inappropriately dirty gags for the older audience members to snicker at. Just as in the previous film, the animation is not bad at all, given DisneyToon Studios’ reputation as the B-team. The kids will go in for the bright colours and there’s a white water rapids sequence that’s somewhat cool. However, the film fails to muster up any real energy or sense of peril. This is a movie about fighting fires and yet it is largely bereft of thrills or any semblance of danger. Kids want to be excited and wowed too; at least a few will find this film lacklustre - especially when compared with the airborne action of the afore-mentioned How to Train Your Dragon sequel.

            Believe us when we say this: yet again, your personal tolerance threshold for puns will be tested. One of the VIPs at a mountain resort re-opening is “Boat Reynolds”, Dusty exclaims “I kicked As-ton Martin up there!” and apparently, a “George Lexus” produced “Howard the Truck”. Just as the first film had its cringe-inducing national stereotypes with racing planes from various nations, here we get Wes Studi as the Native American helicopter Windlifter, speaking entirely in stock platitudes. There’s not much to say about the voice acting. Dane Cook tries to sound earnest and it’s easier not wanting to punch the notoriously unlikeable comedian without seeing his face. Ed Harris does the “harsh taskmaster who actually has a tragic back-story” thing fine; he’s Ed Harris. Julie Bowen squeaks through all her lines as the clingy, borderline stalker-ish Dipper. The vocal cameos by real-life Hollywood couple Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara as two elderly RVs celebrating their anniversary lends the slightest modicum of charm to the often-grating proceedings. “CHoPs”, a take-off on 70s cop show CHiPs but starring two helicopters, did get a chuckle out of this reviewer.

            The film opens with a surprisingly solemn title card that reads “dedicated to the courageous firefighters around the world who risk their lives to save the lives of others” as noble-sounding horns play in the background. What follows are talking planes, bad puns and a moth-eaten story. We have the utmost respect for firefighters and other emergency servicemen and women – if we were firefighters, we’d be feeling at least a little insulted. At one point, Dipper lowers her retractable wing pontoon, squeezing Dusty next to her. “Oh yeah, they’re real,” she purrs. Real classy, DisneyToon Studios. Real classy.

Summary: Solid animation can’t make up for how rushed, formulaic and alternately unfunny and lowbrow Planes: Fire and Rescue is. They can’t all be Frozen.

RATING: 2 out of 5 Stars

Jedd Jong 

Planes

For F*** Magazine

PLANES

Director: Klay Hall
Cast: Dane Cook, Stacy Keach, Brad Garrett, Teri Hatcher, Cedric the Entertainer, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, John Cleese, Carlos Alazraqui, Priyanka Chopra, Gabriel Iglesias, Roger Craig Smith, Colin Cowherd, Sinbad, Oliver Kalkofe, Brent Musburger, Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer
Genre: Animation, Comedy, Family
Run Time: 95 mins
Opens: 5 September 2013
Rating: G

On the poster, Planes is billed as coming from “above the world of Cars”. We’d probably have preferred How Angler Fishes Reproduce from “below the world of Finding Nemo”, but reckon that might not sell as many toys. Yes, this couldn’t be any more transparent a cash grab on the part of the House of Mouse, but it isn’t as bad a film as it could’ve been.

Dusty Crophopper (Cook) is a cropduster plane who harbours dreams of racing in the big leagues; dreams that are duly shot down by his boss Leadbottom (Cedric the Entertainer) and his mechanic/friend Dottie (Hatcher). His best friend, fuel truck Chug (Garrett) stands by his side, and Dottie eventually comes around to supporting him. Dusty seeks the mentorship of Skipper (Keach), a “get off my lawn”-type WWII veteran. Dusty soon finds himself smack dab in the middle of the glamourous racing world, in the running for the championship title in a globe-hopping aerial rally. He meets colourful characters such as Mexican race-plane El Chupacabra (Alazraqui), the Pan-Asian champ Ishani (Chopra), stiff upper-lipped British deHavilland Comet Bulldog (Cleese) and F/A-18 Super Hornets Bravo (Val Kilmer) and Echo (Anthony Edwards). Naturally, he must defeat the arrogant reigning title-holder Ripslinger (Smith), who sneers at the cropduster at every turn.



First things first – this isn’t a Pixar film. Planes was made by DisneyToon Studios, responsible for all those direct-to-video sequels of classic animated films, stuff like Cinderella II: Dreams Come True, The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 and The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride. Accordingly, Planes was intended for direct-to-video release, but the higher-ups at Disney figured a theatrical run might be a better way to make a quick buck. Truth be told, the film doesn’t look that bad – while it certainly lacks the richness of Pixar’s animation, there are still colourful, fairly exciting visuals and the 3D is put to really good effect, enhancing the many flying sequences.



However, the story couldn’t be any more formulaic if it willed itself to. The “farm boy with big dreams and a destiny to fulfill” archetype was already old when Star Wars came out a good 36 years ago, let alone today. It’s as paint-by-numbers an underdog story as underdog stories go. You’ve got the protagonist who is repeatedly told “you’re not built to race, you’re built to dust crops”, the “Mickey Goldmill” stock mentor character, the “Gonna Fly Now”-style training montage, the scene where our hero from a small town is awestruck by the bright lights of the big city…we really could go on. While most of Pixar’s films marry a clever high-concept premise with memorable characters, this marries a premise we’ve seen a million times with characters we’ve also seen a million times.



Jon Cryer was originally cast as Dusty but was replaced with Dane Cook, someone who has truly earned his reputation as one of the most unlikeable, loathsome even, comedians working today many times over. An earnest, naïve and good-hearted hero isn’t the type of role one would expect Cook to take on but thankfully, it’s not too difficult to forget that it was him in the recording booth. The supporting cast provides a world tour of generic accents and are generally okay. The standout is probably Priyanka Chopra, who manages to imbue Ishani with an elegant knowingness and a hint of sultry appeal. Top Gun fans might also enjoy Anthony Edwards and Val Kilmer giving a wink and a nod to that plane movie in this one.



Sure, the story is as painfully straightforward as they come, but the film does manage to be pretty funny. From the punny names (sports commentator Brent Musburger voices “Brent Mustangburger”, reprising his role from the Cars movies) to the cultural stereotypes that are either amusing or potentially misleading for children, a fair number of jokes land. There are also the “getting crap past the radar” moments, such a castration gag, which the filmmakers probably hope zip over the heads of most of the kids in the audience. Apart from that inappropriateness, a flashback to a violent World War II battle and a sequence set above a stormy sea (both admittedly well done) might be a little intense for the very young ‘uns.



It’s the general consensus that Cars and Cars 2 are two of Pixar’s weakest efforts, so perhaps the faintest compliment is in order, seeing how Planes manages to stay on par with them. It will never stand alongside WALL-E, Finding Nemo or The Incredibles – then again, neither will the Cars films. At the very least, it’s a good deal of fun to look at and is likely to enthrall the tykes.

SUMMARY: Planes’ primary function is as a way to make begrudging parents empty their wallets at toy stores. For a movie made with that express purpose in mind, it certainly could be worse.

RATING: 2.5 out of 5 STARS

Jedd Jong